Sara! I was thinking about you today and hoping you would come along. ... And where is that Cherry girl?
What a great update. You have come so, so far in this journey. I think you are right on target. You are so correct in that we cannot control others, but we grasp on to the illusion of control. You are detaching, learning to self soothe, and have decreased your expectations. So the natural consequence is that your H feels you slipping away, while simultaneously observing your strengths/growth. You and your story are the living example of what we try and get all the newcomers to see It is very hard to explain but eventually we all make sense of it to some extent.
I understand what you mean about the time machine. Isn't it human nature though to experience something and then want to go back to do it "better" or the "right way." While you can't do that, what you CAN do is keep reminding yourself what truly worked and what didn't. And by "worked" I don't mean what switched your pursuer/distancer dynamic, but what worked in achieving your personal goals. I have always admired the way you put your faults on the table and then challenge yourself to make changes. That is success (and very difficult).
It's hard to explain to people how things shift, the instincts we have about our partners, and how ones perspective can change over time. I find myself not knowing how to articulate points because so much of this is an energy that is hard to explain. I like the energy happening here in your world :-) I see so much good coming your way. I hope for his sake he can stay on a better path too. You have become the catch that only a FOOL would leave.
:-) Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
