Tomorrow is my D9's last day as an elementary schooler. I can't believe my baby is going to middle school. exH has off this week and I have to work, so after tomorrow I won't see D9 until Sunday:( She is sleeping at her Aunts house tomorrow. We get to "clap" her out for her last day in the elementary school. OWW will be there. I invited them both to lunch to celebrate. D9's aunt and cousin are coming too. I'll probably be a crying mess.

Tonight was supposed ot be my first night of volleyball but thunderstorms cancelled it. D9 and I played uno and watched some TV. But I was acutely aware of how I am missing having another adult around. Talking about our days. It's really really tough. This is why I fill my space with working out so much. I don't know how else to rid myself of the lonliness. This week because she is not here I will be gyming it and I am going out with friends Thursday night.

I grew up alone. An only child. I was a pro at this. But I have to be honest, it is just so lonely raising a child from birth alone and no one coming home and asking how your day is or talking to other adults. D9 asked if I missed working from home which I did for 9 months and I said no. I had no adult interaction and it was torture. I miss my crew at the hospital. I miss my patients and their families. I realize I love interacting with people. I love to talk to the guy at the bagel shop where I get my coffee. Random people on line in stores. I really am a people person.

I had the ability to communicate with intubated patients who couldn't move but were alert. We would have conversations even though they weren't talking. And they were two way conversations. I had a patient with ALS who was intubated and could only move his eyes. Yet we spoke to eachother that way.

I'm just journaling my raw honest thoughts waiting for bedtime.
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I miss FF. I miss his presence, his stories about work, teaching me about fire stuff, hearing about his family, his childhood, and just sitting there for hours on my couch talking about life. I miss it so bad.

I am telling you, the learning about ourselves, it never ends.