I am going to weigh in here, but only because you are asking. Please take what I say with a giant grain of salt because I don't know you and I don't know your H. You also may not like it. I say this simply based on what I have read (your words), what I have seen in other posters sitches, and mostly (the least credible to you) which are my instincts.
All that being said, I don't think you have to be thankful. Even though your H may appear to be putting in more efforts than what the other LBSs share, does not mean you have any less pain. Your H is keeping you in limbo and gaslighting you and I think it's awful. And cowardly! It is cruel to give a person mixed messages and string them along, and it appears to me he is selfishly keeping you on the backburner as plan B. That is no way to treat someone you are married too.
Just because he says he is planning a visit and gives you occasional bread crumbs of hope, his actions show otherwise. He has not planned a visit and followed through. Period. He is also not getting back to you, showing you any real commitment, and he has no respect for your schedule (or feelings). I think you are correct when you say that if he wanted to see you, he would. I am sorry if I sound harsh, but I agree with those thoughts.
You have also said more than once that while you have no evidence of any A, you suspect there could be someone else. Perhaps he uses work as his excuse for his poor communication? What do your instincts tell you? I tend to think if a woman even suspects there is an A, then there is an A. That's it.
The fact is he has had many opportunities to visit, even if for a short while. He often doesn't return your messages and you feel he is blowing you off. Your instincts tell you he could hurt you further and he may not follow through on a visit. You also have wondered if there is OW. This does not sound like you are in a place any better than the other posters. It sounds like he is far enough away to keep things hidden and/or string you along.
I am sorry for the 2*4. I am not suggesting you change your plan of action. It would be easy for me to tell you to have no expectations, but that is really hard. It is especially hard when he keeps throwing you crumbs!
My advise to you would be to take some control in this sitch and get your power back. Take a giant step back and do not initiate contact. You think about what your summer looks like and if you even want him to visit at all. You keep holding your head up and taking care of you. You are going to be fine. You do not have to wait for him or be his back up plan. You got this girl! I know you do--you are positive, fun, and spunky. He needs to work hard to get you back, as far as I see it from over here, not the other away around!!!
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
