I have watched that TED Talk several times. I find it depressing. Maybe I am a hopeless romantic, but I like the idea of someone only having eyes for me. I am so monogamous in my thinking, so it's hard to understand. That also makes the forgiveness piece more complicated for me.
I just cannot see or understand how people moving through peicing, after an A, and working through this type of betrayal can have a better M than before. How??? Is that true? Have I just not given it enough time? I liked what we had before and who I thought he was.
I know you are going to tell me "no" because Retrouvaille is on the back burner. No, I have not finished the post sessions and right now I don't even want to. I have been thinking more and more about separation. Everything has changed in the past several weeks. Even having had that genuine and solid glimmer of hope does not motivate me.
I can't help but wonder what my life would have been like had he never come back. And it's not that I don't think it COULD work, it's that I don't know if this is what I want anymore.
It is starting to feel as if too much has happened, and too much has changed, and I ask myself "why?" Why am I so committed to this man and this M? I don't say this out of fear, anger, or emotions. I just have been thinking lately about my life and what kind of person I want to share it with. I don't know if he is that person.
So after the betrayal, all those little things that didn't matter so much, now have me thinking second, third, and fourth thoughts about him.
The things have that have been coming up (big and small) just feel like deal breakers. They are telling about fundamentally who he is. Or are they? I can't say right now. I can't.
So here I am--the one that has the returned and remorseful H, and honestly I question it all. The only thing that gives me pause is that I understand that decisions take time. Big decisions deserve time, processing, thinking, and then a little more time.
I am not in a good place right now... Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
