C-nut, I agree that inhouse sep is rarely a good idea. I have been thinking about seperation recently and it would not happen under the same roof. I can't. Wouldn't. Won't.
Yeah that rarely works out. I had a talk with W and told her something along the lines of "I would like for you to stay here and work on the M, but I understand that that is not what you want and if you choose to leave I am not going to stand in your way. I support your decision whatever it is." Basically I was "opening the cage door", but I was also putting her on notice that I was not leaving! A few days later she asked to talk, and said "why do I have to be the one to leave"? In an incredible display of composure (LOL!) I calmly said "I am not the one that wants to leave the marriage, and I am not going to leave my home and my family either (at the time all 3 kids were still at home). If you choose to leave then I am not going to interfere with that, but if you would rather stay and work on the marriage then I am willing." Basically I did not give her any other options, it was either "stay and work on the M" or "leave". She said she understood, and pretty soon after she did indeed start her plans to leave. She was gone a few months later, which broke my heart all over again (despite saying that, I really did want her to stay). In retrospect it was for the best, those first few months were possibly the worst of my life but I worked through my grief and rebuilt. The in-house separation sitches I've read always seem to be stuck in a miserable limbo, so I do agree with you that if S is inevitable, it really needs to be a true S and not a symbolic one.
