A WW? (8)

[lt0402]

Got the keys to the apartment on Friday and moved most of my bigger stuff in that evening. Figured it best to just grind through it so I could spend the weekend doing the smaller things. Got furniture delivered on Saturday, and the cable turned on on Sunday. For the most part, it's now livable for D and I when W and I physically split.

I expect that'll be sometime around Fri/Sat of this week. Still need to discuss it with W and am hoping to have that firmed up by this evening. At this point it's almost like going through the motions. I'm no longer actively DB'ing, I'm just being myself (which I know is probably just a form of passively DB'ing) and am enjoying seeing me again. At this point, once we physically split, we are done. W is on her own and I am as well. We'll hopefully work together in the best interests of D, but there will never be an "us" again. Just too much pain, deceit, and lack of effort on her part to ever make me want to pursue this after having laid out so much of my soul the past year for her to trample on.

But you know what, I'm ok with that now. Selfishly, the past year has really helped me to shore myself up and I know for that I owe her. I feel like I'm in such a better place as a human being, a father, and a partner. A friend told me that everything happens for a reason, and it seems like the reason for this was to make me whole and independent again. So for that I'm thankful to my W.

W asked me to help her move a few larger items to her apartment. I'd struggled with what I'd do if she did ask when I thought through it over the past few weeks. But I instantly told her I'd be happy to help, and you know what, I absolutely meant it. It feels good to help her. It's not me to not help. Until we split, she's still my W and I'll treat her like it, even if it's only coldness I get in return. Funny part is, right after I said I'd help, she's gone into super cold mode towards me. Not unexpected, but still highlights that I want no part of this post-S.

Took D to a concert out of town yesterday on fathers day. Had an amazing time with her. She is so much fun and seeing her light up w/ joy at this thing made my week. I look forward to all the adventures her and I will have as we transition into our new home. No doubt the future is very, very bright!