Therapist on Friday asked "what can you possibly hope to get out of this day with W? Why are you allowing it?" My mother asked me pretty much the same question. My answer was, "have you ever said 'I would give ANYTHING for just one more day?' Well I'd give anything for just one more day with my family. No matter how much this hurts, no matter how much this sets me back, no matter what it costs me, I want this."
Can I ask why you started into a new R with GF to start with? It sounds like you jumped into a rebound to lessen the hurt of losing W. But in the process you are just hurting your GF and probably yourself too.
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I got my family day... We went out and painted pottery with D, they took me to dinner, and we saw a movie (Guardians 2). It was a perfect day.
At the movie theater, W held my hand...
Did she initiate that? Pretty unusual move for a WAS, that's a nice baby step. But again, where is GF in this picture? Seems you're trying to lead a double-life.
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W expressed a lot of regret over everything. Apologized for everything again. Said she doesn't know if she's really done.
How did you respond? Hopefully you listened and validated, but didn't give her open-ended promises about how you'll wait for her.
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On the other hand, OM is still in the picture. W still completely wrapped up in him (though she's back to saying that they're "just friends, regardless of what happened") so that seems to be academic.
And if he is then you're letting W cake-eat. She gets to have her fling and return for dates with you when she needs her "family time". I understand your desire for "just one more day" but in the end did that extra day make you feel any better about things? Or just more confused and in turmoil?
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I've been a wreck this week, and it had nothing to do with any contact with W, or any fantasy day with my family. I'm mentally and emotionally exhausted. I'm conflicted. I don't know what I want anymore, if I ever did. I'm wondering if I still just want W back and I can't pretend otherwise anymore. It would help if i knew what I was thinking.
I totally get that, we all went through it! Just give yourself the gift of time. You need it as much as your W. Just try and remember you don't have to sort everything out TODAY. Try and get out and GAL to get your mind off the M.
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She also said that from everything I've said, GF is a great match for me, and W isn't (and probably never was) and asked me if I was willing to lose the possibilities I have with GF. I don't have an answer for that.
I'm not sure this C is the best choice for a DB'er. Doesn't sound like it. It is REAL EASY to find people to tell you to quit and move on. But is that what YOU want? Or do you want to stand? If you want to stand then surround yourself with advisors that support that.
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GF is fairly unhappy right now. Points out that I basically went on a date with another woman, and it's "slightly" worse because I happen to still love that other woman. I don't really have an answer to that, either.
