Yes, my father's day choices seriously undermined my boundaries. Yes, I'm paying for that. In so many ways. I'd do it again, though. People say, "I'd give anything for just one more day."
To me, this feels so unhealthy in so many ways. She/you/D arent DYING. She is in another relationship and your "one more day" is just playing at house. To me, this one more day only makes it harder to reach your final goals.
But...whats done is done. And so be it.
Originally Posted By: EastTN
So I felt like my perfect day was some kind of consolation prize for her. She couldn't spend it with OM, so she spent it with me instead, eating cake. That's probably not true.
Thi is completely true. Regardless of OM, this was incredible cake for her. Instead of spending a family holiday alone, she got to play at family, get a nice ego boost from you, and then go home and do whatever with OM.
Originally Posted By: EastTN
What am I going to do about W? "Hating her forever" isn't an option for me, so I'm trying to take Coconut's advice and just go full NC. I don't know if I can manage. She seems to know exactly what buttons to push.
I dont believe this is about her. It's about you. She not manipulating you...you are allowing yourself to be manipulated. You say you are in love with someone else, yet you jumped at this opportunity to be with W and D, and compounded it by being physically and emotionally intimate. Shes keeping you attached; what can you do to detach? It isnt about love or hate; it's about your emotional independence!
Originally Posted By: EastTN
My goals for this week:
1)To be there for my little girl, not slack on being dad just because I've got nothing in the tank. - specifically, how? What are you going to do to 'be there'?
2)Not to contact W at all. Not respond at all. - If theres something about D, I think it's OK to respond. How about to not initiate any contact that isnt necessary?"
3)To not tell GF how much I love her, want her, miss her, and want to be with her, so forget everything I said and be mine again. - Good. I think NC with GF right now is best for you.
4) is to do at least one GAL activity this weekend. I'm thinking soccer, the pain will be helpful. - Also good!
Originally Posted By: EastTN
The parallels to my first divorce are ridiculous. W is doing EVERYTHING 1st W did, in the same way, saying the same things in the same way, screwing with my head in the same way, trying to destroy things that I'm building in the same way. I feel like some kind of lab animal. I'm being tormented, and I don't even have the ability to understand why it's happening.
Instead of putting this on them, what if you look inward. What patterns are you exhibiting that are the same between the two divorces? How are you playing into this cycle to exhibit the same responses? What are you looking for in women that leads to the same results?
