"Your W has never been faced with that choice, she got to keep her life (house minus H), gained the OM in that life, and practically got a key to your place. Her H is there whenever she wants, she's told her H not to date, and she truly has a good thing going. I don't think I'd complain if I was in her shoes."
To a degree I agree with this statement except "key to your place", there Is always going to be a drop-off pick-up element to family life as I sure you're aware, I wouldn't suggest we sit down and have long meaningful conversations in fact they're quite business like and very short, isn't this typical of a family separated due to an A?
Also I am GAL in fact this Thursday I'm getting "suited and booted" and going out at about the same time the WW will be around to pick up the boys and this is one of the many times I have demonstrated this since I moved out of the FH.
There was a conversation where she said "don't just fall for the first woman that comes along, women are nasty - coming from her..!" And "no woman will be good enough for my boys". But the AP/LO is..! Unbelievable. That being said this conversation came about because I happened to mention that if someone was to come along and we interested each other then... Although between you and me I L my wife and at this moment can't see anybody in that way and I don't think I will for a while yet.
"Having family time with mommy and daddy..."How would you have me handle it? I am not going to restrict my boys exposure to there mum as this is frowned upon here and I feel would be more detrimental than that of the weakness I'm having to show them regarding managing this situation.
What is the situation?
Each day my boys are with me due to carer issues (this is a financially beneficial). WW will come to my home and invited in and will either pick up the boys or spend some time with them and leave. Mostly this contact is over within 15 minutes and I have very little exposure to her except the civil "hello how are you". All other contact is instigated by her and again very business like.
You are right in that she has to make a choice and I'm not helping in escalating that process but again if you read some of my posts and that of other's well equipped to comment you will see this process comes to a head!
I can't go "that's it you will no longer have access to me any more until this A is over" firstly wouldn't bother her and would bankrupt me... So I work around this by "limiting" the contact and exposure by going away as much as I can when she comes to be with the boys or picking up.
Again whilst I have to experience these meetings I can use them to my advantage by showing her what she's given up.
1. A great father - the boys and I are always interacting in a positive way. 2. A friend - paramount to a good relationship. 3. A safe place - if and when her A goes south where will she more likely go? If she needs a shoulder to cry on is she likely to go to someone unknown? 4. A better me - not for HER but for me I'm getting better and better without her and as this thing evolves so do I.
Now please understand all this work and she may STILL more than likely stay with her AP/LO due to some kind of pride or saving of face - Sandi2 did this impact you? BUT I have to believe in the process, I have to keep the hope that my WW will eventually realise she's made a massive mistake and look to R the M before it TOO LATE.
What else can I do? I L her and want my M to be better than ever and with me working on those issues I feel caused us to deteriorate hope to have just that. Difficult if she can't see this though...
25yearsmlc thanks, Father's Day was great, 30 degree's in the shade in the UK... I took the boys to a water park and we had a great time, the only down side is getting used to not having my WW with me and seeing all those other couples enjoying their time together. This was all forgotten after my boys said they really loved the day and wanted it to continue .
My boys are a massive help in keeping my morale up for the fight and I will continue to do all I can within the realms of DR'ing to bring this to a solution.
Thanks for the continued support.
Mark.
DR'ing started March 2017
Don't blow the last bridge up from fantasy island, act "as if".
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