On Higher Ground

[HaWho]

Thanks Ownit, Job, Gordie, Mleigh and Bright. And no Gordie, I don't ask about the self help books.

Happy Father's Day to all you fellas!

Well, a simple financial question somehow led into a temp. read conversation. At dinner I asked h a fairly simple factual financial question. He told me let's discuss it later.

After dinner he led me up to the master bedroom and then answered the question. He opened up a few of our accounts and we discussed a few things. Then he went downstairs to the stinky room to find something. A few minutes later I went down and told him not to worry about it tonight as it's Father's Day.

He asked me a few follow up questions about work. I answered and he asked me to sit down. What proceeded was a sort of r talk. Unfortunately, it was just as bizarre as all the others have been. Seems to most resemble the conversation he gave at BD #2.

He told me not to meddle in his affairs and he won't meddle in mine. He told me I can go out on weekends and do whatever. So I said "so this is an open marriage?" His answer seemed to most resemble "don't ask, don't tell." He was cagey. I looked him square in the eye and reminded him that 3 years ago he promised me he would let me know before anything happened as that would be the decent thing to do. He didn't seem to remember though and I laid it all out for him again. He said "I am here" and later on that he had "nothing to report." Of course this was peppered with lots of "I don't ask you, so don't ask me." He was very secretive in general; nothing was transparent. It was like he was coached by Johnnie Cochran.

He told me if I met a guy he would move out. He was emotionless.

So, as Job advised, I asked if he was happy. He said no, of course not. He said he was almost 50 and living in a dorm room. So I asked what his plan was for the next year. He said he would continue to live in the dorm room as long as he could take it and that he didn't want to leave the kids and even me; he said he didn't want to leave what he had built. But then he said if I met a man or I needed him to move out he'd move out to down the street.

He told me he wanted to be friends. That is all he wanted, no more.

At one point he mentioned that he would never screw me financially and asked if I knew that. I was honest and said that after these last 3 years there was not much I knew about him anymore. I told him that was a conversation for another day. He said we are basically strangers to each other. I said he has done things these last 3 years I did not believe him capable of doing.

It was a calm and quiet conversation.

At one point he said he knew I was trying to have a big romantic talk. I cut him off and said I certainly did not intend for this conversation to happen and I categorically told him I had no interest in a romantic talk. I told him I'd had enough of these conversations these last 3 years. He said we'd hardly had any. (Still too many for my liking, though I did not say so.) Plus, it seems he is done so what more is there to say? I mean, how times and how many ways can you listen to someone say he is done with you? It's like death by paper cuts.

He does not seem to feel anything for me. He told me several times he will not ask what I am doing in my private affairs. He told me I can go out on weekend nights. (That what he said at BD 2; that I could sleep around.) He told me he'd move out if I met someone but he'd just move down the street.

Otherwise it seems his plan is to stick to the stinky room. And as I left I thought: he hasn't moved an inch. Ants cover more distance.