I sat with him with the kids today and he talked to me about the concert and the weather. I was polite and laughed watching the kids wrestle in front of us.
The only thing I did to put him on the spot as I said was I called him after he left and said hey I was thinning if you want to come By and watch. A movie with the boys. I have to study anyway so I didn't know if you wanted to. He said no. So I just left it be.
I dont want a D.
But I know my anxiety is out of control. I am so hurt. I mean like crying every day in the shower alone so my kids don't see it. I feel worthless because the man I love and felt like we built this whole life together watches me doing all these things alone and just doesn't care about me. I fell asleep sitting in the couch with him sitting next to me. I didn't do it on purpose but he has to see how tired I am. I have anxiety from last BD. He has been telling me for 3 months and in counseling he wasn't going to leave. He wasn't going anywhere. That was aloe. Last time he served me with d papers without telling me. So I'm just feeling like I'm waiting for that day to come and I want to put a stop to it as best I can.
I know this sounds irrational but if I'm being honest about my feelings and what drives my actions and reactions.
I just want to see something from him. But he's so distant. He was hugging and kissing me last week to now nothing. He didn't even say bye to me today.
