W ended up trying to spend time with me again today. I said I couldn't do that because this wasn't fair to GF. W dropped another bomb on me. Father's day was pretty bad. I was more or less a zombie. Trying to go full NC with W. We'll see how I do with that. I have a horrible track record with it.
Ended things with GF. Told her everything about yesterday. And today. She tried to be supportive. She told me that of course I wanted my family, and she wouldn't expect a good man to want anything else. That if I could have W back, then of course I should do that. When I told her that I needed to learn how to be healthy again, she said she knew she couldn't help with that, but she could "hold the ladder." I don't know how I managed to say goodbye, but I did. Probably because I manged to convince myself it was the "right" thing to do. And god, do I feel awful about it.
Feeling like a bad man for hurting GF. And I have. Badly. To answer a question someone asked, GF is 28. I got called immature by DonH. The funny thing is that GF was more mature than I was by a longshot. It's how I got passed the age thing. Very relationship inexperienced, though. I'm the first man to meet her parents, among other things. I managed to not do something irrevocable, despite having the opportunity on more than one occasion. At least I can still look in the mirror about that.
Hurting badly. About both W and GF. In distinct and separate ways. My current conclusion is "not a rebound." My other conclusion is "but it was an affair."
