Here again part 7

[T384]

So what do I do besides not contact him.

Ill respond when he contacts about the boys but when he comes to the house is it best if I leave? I had thought this week I would leave for the duration of his stay and come back when he's ready to leave.

I really think there's OW at his work complicating things as well.

I do not want a D. I don't want this M though. I don't want this version of us. I'm just afraid it's too far gone. He's looking at buying a house. So I guess I have 30 days because that's probably about how long it will take him to get everything together to do just that.

[T384]

So what do I do besides not contact him.

Ill respond when he contacts about the boys but when he comes to the house is it best if I leave? I had thought this week I would leave for the duration of his stay and come back when he's ready to leave.

I really think there's OW at his work complicating things as well.

I do not want a D. I don't want this M though. I don't want this version of us. I'm just afraid it's too far gone. He's looking at buying a house. So I guess I have 30 days because that's probably about how long it will take him to get everything together to do just that.

I don't see him coming back. I don't see him changing his mind. He wouldn't have left if that were the case.

[T384]

So what do I do besides not contact him.

Ill respond when he contacts about the boys but when he comes to the house is it best if I leave? I had thought this week I would leave for the duration of his stay and come back when he's ready to leave.

I really think there's OW at his work complicating things as well.

I do not want a D. I don't want this M though. I don't want this version of us. I'm just afraid it's too far gone. He's looking at buying a house. So I guess I have 30 days because that's probably about how long it will take him to get everything together to do just that.

I don't see him coming back. I don't see him changing his mind. He wouldn't have left if that were the case.

[Ginger1]

TO, my heart sincerely goes out to you and I understand every emotions you are going through. My ex dropped the bomb and left that night. Our daughter was 6 months old. He planned on going to his sisters that night, he had it all set up, but instead I called my dad and he came and got us and I lied there for 2 months. I worked as an ICU nurse night shift at the time and went to per diem 2 nights a week when we had the baby. He took our daughter on the weekends when I worked over at his sisters, my dad helped because he is retired. I had that. I had to go back full time. When I did I moved back into the house and he moved out. He watched our daughter when I worked over night. But I needed to sleep during the day after a shift, so I told him we were getting daycare and he's got to pay too.

I HATED him for doing what he did to our family, our daughter. And I let him know it. (I was an awful DB'er by the way)

Everyone is giving you sound DB advice. This is a sensitive area and I don't want to interject my personal views.

This is my advice to you. Get a nanny or babysitter at least part time is number one. I hate hate to make assumptions of the nature, but from reading your posts, I imagine there are financial resources to manage that. It is a worthwhile investment for your sanity. Right now you are going to have to live like he isn't coming back or going to pull his weight. I'm not saying that's what is going to happen, but its what you need to do. let him lead in what he is going to do parenting wise, then you get some external resources to pick up the slack.

IMHO, and there is nothing you could have done for him to decide to put his boss and his work above his kids. That is all on him. Please do not own that.

We are all rooting for you. I only have one kid, but if I could get to where I am today 9 years later, and a marriage to the OW. You can do this.

I don't have siblings, I don't have a mom and my dad in his wife live an hour and half away. My dad is retired and it wasn't his responsibility to help me care my daughter, but he did when he could. I would HIGHLY suggest you hire a nanny because you do NEED help. You can't force your H to help, but he will have to live with himself as a very poor excuse for a father.

Here I am 9 years later. I had a few job changes that weren't good for me to manage our daughter. Only in the last 3 years have I been settled in a job that works. Not my dream job, but it pays well, and I can be there for my D9.

He doesn't hate you right now. He hates himself. Trust me.

Like 25 said YOU will get through this. Heck, if I did, anyone can! I lived through the baby

[T384]

H text asking to see the boys. I told him we were at a birthday party and he. Like take the boys later around 5.

He text again asking the plan. I said we were going to my grandparents by would be home for him to take the boys. He asked if he could come there.

My dad doesn't want him there. Do I let him go or is that cake eating

[Coconut]

It's Father's Day, he wants to spend times with his kids... I think you should make that available. It's your parents house, their rules, but I'd let them if he can't spend time there with the kids then it will be just you coming over, without the kids.

Spending times with your/his kids is never cake eating.

[skyhigh]

The decision is up to you, but he needs somehow to understand that you cannot bend over to his demands all the time. Your dad has been helping you, may be you might want to respect his wish.

[T384]

I'm not saying spending time with the kids is cake eating but I offered him to take the kids at 5 he agreed.

Then he text again a couple hours later asking the plan

I said we were going to my grandparents but that I would have them back by 5 for him to pick them up.

He said to let him know what time we were going to my grandparents and he would maybe meet us.

I didn't reply. He then sent several texts asking can he come should he leave to head over etc. with ????

I just told him it was up to him.

I was saying cake eating because he's still getting family time here with family.

[JujuB]

My ex was like that as well upon BD. I remember he wanted to come to one of our family parties. It made no sense to me. How could he even show his face after walking away from us? No one understood his motivation. I remember my mom thinking it was because he wanted to eat all the really good food we have at our parties (That shows how little she thought of him). Looking back, I realize he probably did not understand how we all viewed him. His perspective on this was just so opposite to mine. He was the bad guy in my eyes and in my families eyes. But he obviously did not think that. (Or perhaps he was that narcissitic and good food was his motivator )

I told him "no it would be uncomfortable for me". After heavy pursuing and begging, I thought it was the right move. I wanted to show him that I was moving on. That it would be cake walking if I allowed him to come.

I don't really know the answer. The DB counselors seem to suggest encouraging a friendship and acting "as if". I was way to angry and wanted him punished for his very deplorable actions to implement the DB coach approach. With time, we became more and more distant and are signing our divorce papers soon. I had every right to be angry and to be righteous. (And had we reconciled, things could have ended up very bad for me as well as with time, i made new discoveries about STBX )but the punishing wont work if you want reconciliation

[Zues126]

but the punishing wont work if you want reconciliation

Or even if you don't...