TO, my heart sincerely goes out to you and I understand every emotions you are going through. My ex dropped the bomb and left that night. Our daughter was 6 months old. He planned on going to his sisters that night, he had it all set up, but instead I called my dad and he came and got us and I lied there for 2 months. I worked as an ICU nurse night shift at the time and went to per diem 2 nights a week when we had the baby. He took our daughter on the weekends when I worked over at his sisters, my dad helped because he is retired. I had that. I had to go back full time. When I did I moved back into the house and he moved out. He watched our daughter when I worked over night. But I needed to sleep during the day after a shift, so I told him we were getting daycare and he's got to pay too.
I HATED him for doing what he did to our family, our daughter. And I let him know it. (I was an awful DB'er by the way)
Everyone is giving you sound DB advice. This is a sensitive area and I don't want to interject my personal views.
This is my advice to you. Get a nanny or babysitter at least part time is number one. I hate hate to make assumptions of the nature, but from reading your posts, I imagine there are financial resources to manage that. It is a worthwhile investment for your sanity. Right now you are going to have to live like he isn't coming back or going to pull his weight. I'm not saying that's what is going to happen, but its what you need to do. let him lead in what he is going to do parenting wise, then you get some external resources to pick up the slack.
IMHO, and there is nothing you could have done for him to decide to put his boss and his work above his kids. That is all on him. Please do not own that.
We are all rooting for you. I only have one kid, but if I could get to where I am today 9 years later, and a marriage to the OW. You can do this.
I don't have siblings, I don't have a mom and my dad in his wife live an hour and half away. My dad is retired and it wasn't his responsibility to help me care my daughter, but he did when he could. I would HIGHLY suggest you hire a nanny because you do NEED help. You can't force your H to help, but he will have to live with himself as a very poor excuse for a father.
Here I am 9 years later. I had a few job changes that weren't good for me to manage our daughter. Only in the last 3 years have I been settled in a job that works. Not my dream job, but it pays well, and I can be there for my D9.
He doesn't hate you right now. He hates himself. Trust me.
Like 25 said YOU will get through this. Heck, if I did, anyone can! I lived through the baby
