Well W and I had a long 3 hour talk in regards to our MR. And needless to say we are on our way to BD. I sat there and listened as my W berated me, my family and the problems in our MR. Now she did state that she recognised all the changes in me. But claimed it wasn't enough, because it didn't really bring up too many romantic feelings. I stated that it was hard to bring up feelings when you won't allow me to do anything to draw up those feelings. Told W your looking for feelings when you have a wall up to me. W acknowledged that she simply didn't want to put herself back out there. And then wanted to know why I wanted her anyways.
So I began going through varies reasons why I wanted her. And everything I said was basically turned against me. Because in W mind those interpreted to her was me controlling her. At this point, I refuse to be with a person who's mommy and daddy issues are so bad. That I have to consider every word that comes out my mouth. We also discussed OM who she claims is just a friend now and that me not wanting him around is me trying to control her. I told her having a man around who threatened my life when your my W is disrespectful and anyone with a since of loyalty would acknowledge that. But apparently my W who claims to love me and that I'm still the most important part of her doesn't see the how that's an issue. That right there made me wonder if I really wanted someone in my life like this, let alone a W with this type of thought process.
Then she claimed to wanting to hear what I thought about everything. So I talked my role in messing up this relationship. And also addressed her role as well. My W admitted that she has flaws, but when I mentioned what those flaws were she denied everyone one of them. So pretty much I was the only one in this conversation who admitted to their mistakes. I brought up all the things that my family has done for us over the years. Which she actually acknowledged were true. And how I have done so much more for her family, while she she openly refused to do things for mine. She got mad, but when I presented her with examples. W admitted that I did do all those things. That's when she admitted that I was a good man and did do a lot of great things in the MR.
That's when I told W, that by the way you tell it I didn't do a thing. And you were so miserable. Nothing but silence at that point. From there I tried to provide solutions in order to get this MR better than what it was. And I asked for her input. She stated that she couldn't stay in a MR where I didn't completely trust her. I informed that I was trying to trust her completely, but its hard when your still contacted the OM. Knowing that his W doesn't like it as well. That got W into another your trying to tell me what to do rant.
Needless to say W ended up saying that she was meeting with a lawyer this week to discuss her options. She refuses to leave the home and that separation is not an option. But it will probably take awhile before we can come up with the funds for a divorce. So at the moment were stuck with each other. Probably will end up selling the home, since neither one of us individually can afford the place. Hoping during that time period W might change her mind. But I at this moment, I'm going to continue with detaching and focusing on S13.
