Boston Dad in need of Help

[Coconut]

Yes, I knew about and tried to implement DB principles easily on in my sitch., but like you I had difficulty detaching so I persued and kept pushing her away.

Because I couldn't detach, or move out on my own, I grew angry with her, so so angry, and instead of just leaving her be I started doing mean things to get back at her, posting her texts to OM on her fire department group chat, etc.

I pretty much made every mistake, because at first I refused to believe my W would do the things everyone was saying WW do.. Well each time I couldn't stop her, couldn't get her to listen to reason, I got angrier.

Finally I got out of my emotional black hole, laid out a strong boundary, she broke it and I was done. In my sitch, my W never once initiated a R conversation, not a single time, and I haven't initiated one since July of last year, my sitch went from start to finish (when I checked out of M) in about 4 months.

Just because I didn't do well at detaching, I really understood the DB process, I GAL, I implemented 180s, I tried to be a lighthouse (but anger kept coming up)..

A year out, I can see back at my primary mistakes, understand how the things I did back then would make reconciliation now that much harder, if not impossible, and now I try and help guide others away from making those mistakes.