Maybe She Isn't Evil

[RDS]

RDS, you and I started posting around the same time, I remember first reading your introduction and sitting in disbelief, W says she's not going to Daughters graduation so she can care for sickly dog, then when you come home she's gone and won't tell you where to... Hopefully I am recalling the correct sitch, I did not go back and look.

Wow, C-Nut, you have an amazing memory. You are 100 percent correct on your recollection.

I really didn't know what to make of it at the time, I thought maybe there was some sort of abuse that you weren't opening up about, but I felt for you, dealing with 100% loss in an instant whereas most of us with WS lose a little bit everyday over many months.

You're right about losing everything in an instant. It felt like a sudden death. One of my neighbors lost his W suddenly to a heart attack and I stupidly thought I had it worse because my W chose to leave me, where my neighbor's W didn't have a choice. It sounds incredibly stupid to think about it now, but as you know when your in the deep fog like that your mind thinks stupid things.

In her eyes I did abuse her emotionally. I was constantly angry at her because she put us so far in debt and gave up trying to help to get us above water. In some ways I felt as if she cheated on me, but that was me trying to justify me staying angry at her.

Other than her wanting (expecting) a size able amount of alimony for the rest of her life (just cause she never had to work I don't feel like that makes her entitled to never work after D) I admire your ExW. Most of us lose our spouses and have to deal with that pain while our WS are having "fun" in their new R, but your ExW was brave enough to leave without that crutch, she accepted the pain of losing her M without looking for someone to cover it up.

I haven't really thought of it that way, but I agree.

Your update makes me jealous, you and your ex are both healing, both remember the M you had, both good and bad, without someone else in those memories. There is healing that still needs to occur, there is still self improvement on both sides, but when I read what you wrote, I see two people that are likely to be together in old age. Keep DBing, keep moving forward and being the best you can be, enjoying the hell out of life. Then one day when you don't feel emotional about your wife, like you do towards an old friend you haven't seen, call her to get together... Maybe at a family function, maybe your in town and want to catch up over lunch, just get together and talk face to face.

Thanks for the kind words Cnut. It really does me a lot. I mean it.