How long did it take me to realize I was experiencing limerence? Hummmm, I would have to go back through my old threads......b/c it was ten years ago and I was still in some fog when I joined the board. I had the right experienced mentors who were giving me critical information. Somewhere in there I was told about limerence. I did follow up through google, and maybe it was my state of mind, ........but a decade ago, the information I read was not as layman-friendly as it appears now. However, I grasped enough to at least consider the possibility. Plus, it tied in to the feedback I had on the board.....and to my own emotions. All in all, it wasn't too much time until I decided to go NC with OM, cold turkey. And that experience made me a true believer about the addictive power an A can hold. I can't remember exactly, now. I know the first 4 weeks were hell. The first 4 months were hard withdrawals......and around 6 months it began to taper off some. But it would take about 2 years before I began to feel like I wanted to put effort into my MR.
The WW has to go through a process, which can be very agonizing and long, if she has years of resentment and disrespect, as was the case with me. Although similar behavior patterns, each woman is an individual story. Every woman had problems and issues in life that may have had no connection to her having an A........... and those problems are still there when the A ends........plus the destruction the A caused. The pre-affair and post-affair complexities often require guidance from a professional therapist, in order to piece their life back together......and certainly, piece the M.
I'm not sure what you mean in question #2. To try and give a shorter answer to #3 & #4, I have always needed at least one person I could talk to about problems. However, nobody in my world knew this woman I had become. I was not ready to reveal to my family or friends, b/c if they knew the truth, they would have been shocked! So, the need to talk to someone was getting stronger. One night I decided to reach out for guidance, and I sought a Christian chat room or forum (can't remember). I must have chose an off night, b/c I quickly moved on.......and saw something about divorce busting. Along with the information I was receiving, I began seeing a few cracks in the knight's armor. So, I think timing played a big part, at least for me.
I did the hard work. I am still with my H. I am still here, but not as a WW. A former WW, passing forward (I hope) the favor that was given to me.
AND she had to decide it was time to change again. Just like the LBS has to decide that it is time for them to change their behaviors.
