Mark, no one can doubt limerence and its effect in these affair relationships. My own H is in severe depression and abusing serontonin and dopamine meds. I watched him through the end stages of his first affair (which went on for 3 years before I knew about it and then dragged on another year after). They broke up 3 months after I kicked him out and they hit real life. They were sneaking around and off and on those first three years so I think the limerence kept going.
Then he cycled back toward home, I think got scared by it, and ran off and found a new OW2. He is quite narcissistic at this point and I think falls very quickly into limerence (he is a big future faker--I saw texts and emails to the first OW backing this up). How long will this limerence last? Perhaps another 3 months or 6, hard to say.
But, I think the chances are good he will just go off and find another OW and continue the cycle. He would rather get the PEAs high than deal with the depression that he is running from.
I think folks here are just concerned that you are putting too much faith in limerence and although you pay lip service to recognizing that there are multiple paths out of it (she marries the LO, she comes back to you, or she finds a new LO), you seem at times to presuppose that she is coming back.
You can make yourself as attractive as you want and even if you are the better catch, it doesn't mean she is going to come back. I tihnk the problem with your approach is that it is centered on becoming the better choice for her, rather than simply working on making yourself a better you for you.
Lots of people have tried to weigh in and you seem pretty set on your path. Please just keep in mind that these folks are not thinking clearly and even science can't guarantee the result we want to see. I hope your faith in the science yields a postive outcome for you.
