I totally agree your comment on the LBS being in limerence and I possibly am if you mean I have an infatuation of my W yes I do, that I have bonded with her and crystallised that, yes I have. That my R with my W has deteriorated no brainer.
Does this sound familiar... You're here also.
Limerence is how mother nature makes us animals populate the world that's all, we choose a mate and chemicals start to build that allows our attention to remain with him/her and build a dependency - phase 1. Moving on we then copulate and bring a new born animal into the world - phase 2, once this is completed we either continue or move on to another mate - phase 3!
This three-stage process has been proved look into PEAS and the chemical cocktail this process produces.
"The obsessive parts, the romanticizing of the other person, idealizing (OR negating them) the intense fear of rejection, the dependence, intrusive thoughts about the other person..." Is this all summed up as phase 1 - infatuation..?
"If your m was actually a good solid one and this still happened, I would have lower expectations of a recon." Based on what? I understand people will not leave something for something worse I wouldn't say it was perfect but if and when my WW does come out of limerence and starts to see the AP/LO's flaws (we all have them) do I not stand a better chance of R..?
Again working on myself for myself and showing her a friendly safe place to come to that is known to her can only be in my favour instead of moving from one $h1t R to another although this could happen.
Looking through my threads you will see I have identified areas where I could improve our R and am working on them.
Please understand I'm as much interested in what happens to the brain when the A starts as I am as to why these start, A's sneak up on you and it's too late (as anybody purchased the two books prior to an A?) Knowing why the WW acts the way she does you can gain an understanding and then implement your changes.
Hindsight is a great thing I never in a million years thought I'd be going through this who does! But I am now better equipped to handle it, limerence is real people it's proved medically and has to end how you choose to deal with your sitch is up to you.
I base mine on fact, and will continue with my beliefs -
She's on fantasy island with her AP/LO eventually reality will kick in and she'll want to get off, don't blow the final bridge up back to you and the family. Work on becoming the better option by making yourself the best you can possibly be (P.I.E.S attraction), a friendly place which is safe for her to come to in times of need. I don't mean sacrifice your DR'ing and all those things (I'm trying to instil these in my situation as well) I'm just giving myself a chance based on the limerence process as my original thread laid out.
I will look into the TED talk video thank you.
Regards
Mark.
DR'ing started March 2017
Don't blow the last bridge up from fantasy island, act "as if".
