On Higher Ground

[HaWho]

Nice to hear from you Ownit. I know you are having a rough go of it right now. Sending you positive karma.

Roist - thanks for all the great advice. I certainly don't mean to do a tit-for-tat with him. I do view it more as boundaries for me. He has said the relationship is over and that his life is none of my business. Well, then he doesn't get to look closely at me life either. You can't have it both ways.

This week s13 graduated from 8th grade and there was a ceremony at the school. H asked s what time it was at and left that morning. So I assumed we'd drive separately and also not sit together. 45 minutes beforehand h returned home. I was finishing getting ready. When I came downstairs he came out of the stinky dorm room and asked if I was ready to go. I said sure and acted as if. There was small talk in the car, a few laughs and some silences.

H has a prime account and he gave me the passcode a while back so that we could order off it. The password was created a few months ago and includes something about our family in it and even the number 4; looks like he included me, unless maybe the 4th person is the dog. Hah!

I had to return something s ordered so I was going through past orders. And the two most recent orders were 2 books mailed to h. The first is about controlling anxiety through meditation.

The second is about how to find happiness and peace in your life. This one is part self help and part meditation. The strategy seems to center on being happy with what you have, living in the moment and recognizing that happiness cannot be found by chasing things. Hmm. (According to the author this can all be reached within a few months through meditation and changing your perspective. It was delivered early June so looks like h will be all set by the end of the summer. Ha ha.)

Now h is not at all a self help/meditative sort of type. What is interesting is that there is a similar book on my nightstand. It was given to us all at work. As I mentioned my new company is very SoCal and there's a big focus on turning inward and even meditating at work! Wonder if h snooped and saw the book on my nightstand? In any case, maybe he is finally trying to figure things out?

One other small thing is that he often is out of his room on weekend mornings. He positions himself in a remote corner where you can't really see him. He talks to the kids.

Lately, I have hammered him hard. A few weeks ago, as I walked out one morning to walk the dog his window to his stinky room was open. I said "hello in there." He said "hello out there." I asked what he called it in there. He said his man cave. I said, "I think it's more like _____ Street" (name of his childhood street name. He was silent. When I came back from the walk he'd snapped the window shut and drawn the blinds. I thought of Oscar the Grouch from Sesame Street. That character is DEFINITELY modeled off the live-in MLC male.

I've made other similar like comments, too mostly when he talks about staying young.