I have not commented on anyone else's posts yet as I feel my situation is still too fresh for me to offer advice to anyone, but I felt compelled to comment to you, park.
Our situations are different (well, we both have WW I guess), but I find I feel similarly to you in how I look at the situation. I feel like this the info and suggestions provided on this site suggest that dealing with MLC and WAS/WW is not intuitive and dealing with it in a normal fashion doesn't work. I understand that you have to make yourself better and not pursue etc, and that is better for you but might also help get your spouse back depending on the situation. I also understand about having zero expectations and how that can help you. I also feel like because these actions aren't what come natural, that means they are done with a goal in mind. I feel like I am here because my marriage is broken due to WW and I want support to get through it and advice on what I can do (behavior wise) that will increase my chances of reconciliation. To me, this is manipulative behavior because it isn't a natural reaction and it has goal(s) in mind while implementing.
Having said that, I also am finding support in the responses you are getting from others as it is helping me realize some of the error in that thought process. While I won't agree that my assessment is incorrect, I do realize the wisdom in the advice you have been given and that I might need to try and rethink how I might alter my own thought process to make things easier on myself to get through this.
I really don't think I am romanticizing my relationship with W (previous to BD) in saying that it was actually really good. With 2 preteen/teen children we surely could have spent more time on our personal relationship outside of the family dynamic (as I am sure we all could at that stage), we did still do things together and were happy. Because of that I really took pause at what 25years was saying above regarding a solid relationship but this still happened. I think I'm going to go watch that tedtalk video.
Just wanted to stop by and say that I support you and hope all is as well as possible. I don't know if we are right in how we look at things, but we are of a similar mindset. I'm going to keep watching your thread looking for advice.
