"Just reading about validation and I'm confused. Am I supposed to validate his R with OW?"
I'm sure there is a thread on here about validating but I would never validate the A. I want to work on my M even though my W is having a PA I might be wrong but I validate her when she mentions something she's done at work (solved problems, promotions or such) or when she feels a bit down with her appearance or mood, I basically cheerlead and build her up I know it sounds counterintuitive but...
For me and I might be wrong but I'm showing her that I'm invested in what she does except anything to do with the A or R, I'm being there for her and providing a safe place. I know there is a train of thought that goes against this "nice guy" syndrome but I do this as an investment. If and when she comes to her senses I want her to know I'm her best option and always have been.
Please search for the thread on validation and look into boundaries as a start re-read the DB & DR books and I'm sure you will start to gain some stability. If anything I take from all this is that I need to be consistent this is key.
Be strong for those who need you and take care.
Mark.
DR'ing started March 2017
Don't blow the last bridge up from fantasy island, act "as if".
