I am also wondering about his first marriage, and also his relationship with his mother.
And I'm wondering about these things, Leah, because I know our stories have similarities with the controlling clingy ex-wife. (No general shade thrown on first wives; Leah and I both have specific messed-up ex-wives that were trying to still be in the picture. I'm only speaking about these two individuals.) And there is a reason our H's originally chose unstable women. The dysfunction was comforting and familiar.
If your H has untreated issues with his mother, those issues may have resurfaced as part of a MLC/depression and he may not be able to see you as separate from them, because he is likely totally unaware where the discomfort is coming from and why he's feeling that way.
I don't know if the above is true but it's just a hunch that I have.
Leah, I'm sorry for you but I'm also really happy for you in that you're getting some relief. I don't think I could hold it together and have low expectations with the frequent contact you had with your H. So I'm happy for you that this break will allow you to re-center yourself and focus on you again.
When you need things that are in H's apartment, is there someone local to him that you could contact and send over to H's apartment to track down your belongings? A friend? I think it's best for you not to be relying on H for anything right now. A bonus would be that the friend could tell you how H is living and what his demeanor is. Knowing those things might help you, because something tells me he's not truly out constantly living it up in the city.
