I do think re-visiting the DR book is a good idea. Look we all love our WW's and we do drop the ball sometimes and fall back into some bad habits it's only natural.
Don't beat yourself up over it, these things happen.
One of the reasons I had to leave the family home was partly due to her wanting to justify what she is doing having an A, you have to remember this is WAR. At this moment in time my WW is running on dopamine which is giving her a massive high due to what she is getting from her AP/LO. She needs to get her fix and so keeps being with him (obviously being a co-worker helps her also) BUT guilt doesn't hide it pops up from time to time to remind her what she is doing is wrong! How does she fight these feelings? She justifies them by getting you to show your bad side, she instigates a conversation she knows pushes your buttons and off you go. This then says to her "look this is the reason I'm with this wonderful AP/LO you're just pathetic.".
I watched my children see their mum turn into something unrecognisable a different person who hated their dad (she told me the marriage was great) the arguments she instigated had to stop, I moved out. Now I have control over these episodes in fact I don't have any anymore, I can now predict when these are likely to happen and charge neutral. This dissipates the hatred and bad feeling (but doesn't allow her to get rid of her guilt) If I fall I just back off and if it continues politely ask her to leave.
You mention your W is telling you your wrong in "teaching my daughter to run away by leaving the room" WTF! Remember the guilt thing? She wants to justify her actions by making you look bad DON'T FALL FOR IT. Act with poise and class, be the better person the adult here, my advice and I'm not sure what everybody else feels but "charge neutral" look it up and soak up all that negativity by staying calm and agreeing with what she says to some degree. This has the habit of her seeing almost nothing there to have a go at and you aren't giving her her justification by being the jerk.
How many times have I wanted to kick the $h1t out of the AP?
Ex military it's in the make-up BUT what would this accomplish? You need to stop this contact with the OP all you're succeeding in doing is pushing her closer and closer to him BE THE BETTER PERSON.
I am slowly coming to terms with my situation and am getting better and better it's a mantra of mine, my main aim now is to keep doing the LRT in the DR book and GAL (thought military lingo was bad) whilst being the best father to my wonderful boys and showing WW I'm still her best friend and a safe place for her to come to when her world starts to fall apart.
Watch this space...
Take care, be patient be good.
Mark.
DR'ing started March 2017
Don't blow the last bridge up from fantasy island, act "as if".
