What should I be doing now (Time to Move on?)

[Coconut]

I think I realized something today, I don't think I've forgiven her.. Sure I don't harbor the amount of anger that I once had; because I don't dwell on that anger, I thought I'd forgiven my ex, but then I saw she liked a post my mom made on FB and it bothered me. I snooped and saw she's on my moms friend list.

I know my mom is friends with her only because of my son, it's her way of keeping up with my son who doesn't use FB. I also know without a doubt my mom, or any family member, would unfriend her if I asked, but I haven't and never would, because of my son.. But I still felt it, the disgust that she was somehow, in someway, still able to "keep up" with my families goings on (I have an awesome family unit).

The funny thing is that I'm still somewhat close to her family, I visit different members when I'm in the area (her mom lives in my new state half the year and her aunt lives here), but I resent the thought of her having anything to do with mine. My next leg of this journey is going to be tough.

Today I thought about the possibility that I need to call her, that I need to take the risk of opening old wounds to be able to move forward, that I need to prove that being "friendly" with her won't discount the hurt I felt in the past, but will reinforce (to me) that I've moved forward, that I'm secure in my new place in life without her.

Grrrr, I hate that I can't erase her from my life, I'm a year out and I'm already dreading that I'll need to see her at my sons graduation. I don't want to feel like that, I shouldn't feel like that, my son deserves more than to have his stepfather (me), biological father, and mother all in separate groups at any special function of his life.

I really need to figure out how to forgive her, because I've begun to realize that avoidance isn't the same as forgiving.