Help - Setting Boundaries, WW in EA - Thread #4

[Woke_Up]

Hi Woke_Up

"On Thursday evening I had to watch my beautiful, precious D5 covering her ears because mummy was raging at daddy again".

My heart goes out to you and your sitch, we basically are caught up in what we can afford to do most of the time! Seeing your D doing the above must have hurt a great deal, was there any remorse from your W..?

No, she is very rarely remorseful following her raging and spewing. In fact, I get blamed for trying to leave the room. Made the mistake of going into a different room where D5 was, and getting trapped in there. I won't do that again. When I have said not to do it in front of the kids before, she has actually responded that the kids need to know what sort of idiot there father is.... although there is a story about that occasion. She says I am teaching my daughter to run away by leaving the room, where I see it as not standing for abuse. She can be quite verbally abusive, although it seems not so frequent recently.

I basically was having none of this in my R, she was playing out her A in front of my 2 children and me and enough was enough I moved out after she refused. To be honest it gave me back control BUT allowed her to escalate the A he basically moved in! You can imagine how I felt having this stranger play happy families with my 2S. I can't control her though but I'm sure if I stayed the sitch would have been horrendous for all especially my boys.

I'm not sure I would have coped with that. This is bad enough with it being an EA that she refuses to end. I think I would have cut her loose at a PA. Either kicked her out, or more likely, I would have had to leave, given how the UK is.

Sandi2 states these people are masters of manipulation and this cycle had to be broken. I see my sitch now as her on a massive high curve coming slowly down as their R gets more and more routine whilst mine is the opposite, I'm at an all time low BUT getting better and better. Soon we'll cross on the chart and then see what happens..

Again stay strong and keep at it.

Mark

Thanks mate, and best of luck with your progress. I'll keep an eye on your thread. Don't know about staying strong, I had a relapse last night and told OM to... well, I can't swear on this forum, but you get the idea. Allowed impulse to get the better of me. Just going to pull back and take stock again - I've allowed myself to get too close again recently, what with her yo-yoing with regards to selling the house, then not wanting to sell and wanting us to plan for the future. Does my head in sometimes. Going to take time to re-read DR and some of my self improvement books, get back on track mentally.