If your W is having an affair, it doesn't matter what you do or don't do in my opinion.

You are the bad guy in her eyes and no matter what you do or say (or don't do or say) will be demonized by her.

If you give her space, she will say you don't give a damn about her.

If you try to open the doors of communication, she will say you are harrassing her.

You are in a no-win situation as long as OM is involved.

I would maintain NC.