Have you read the thread on reconnection? If not, here's the link:

TMAK - Explanation of Reconnection (new)

This thread may answer some of your questions/concerns. I agree w/the advice that Cadet has given you.

Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.