Wife came over last night and made dinner and hung out with the family again. The kids don't really like to spend the night at her apartment, and I think she is starting to realize that it isn't good for them. She might also be trying to spend a little more time at home to get used to being around again...but it may just be that she wants to spend time with them and doesn't want to make them go to the apartment when they don't want to (or maybe a little of both). Hard to say for sure. I wouldn't be trying to figure out intent right now if it wasn't for the timeline of her apartment lease (mentioned above). I find myself trying to see if we are at a point to where she could move back in and we could work on things.
I am also starting to realize that some of the awkwardness that exists between us when we are together is my own thoughts/feelings. They (my thoughts and feelings) are well deserved due to the circumstances of our relationship and her midlife crisis, but I also realize that they may not be warranted in the specific situations that I am deeming awkward. For example, when at the house she might sit there and play on her phone for 10 to 15 minutes. That triggers me to think, what is she doing, who is she texting, and I feel anxious about it. I realize that before all this mess started, I wouldn't think anything at all about her playing on her phone. I also realize that her playing on her phone doesn't mean anything. I think I have a bit to work on myself before we can work all this stuff out...regardless of where she's at mentally right now. I am just trying to figure out if my triggers are holding me back from recognizing whether or not she might be making a serious efforts to make things better. She has not come to me remorsefully yet to say that she is sorry and whatnot, but I feel that she might be close to that and some of her actions seem to suggest that she does have regret.
I've read somewhere on these forums, or maybe in one of the books, that the spouse is the last thing they come around on. I don't want to try and put timelines on things or rush us to a place that we aren't ready to be at yet...but I do need to know if her moving home right now would push us back with the progress we have made so far. Somewhere in the next week or so this is going to come up and I really want to be prepared for it.
