Confused As Hell

[cdubbs]

Just finished reading... I really have a lifetime struggle with dealing with emotion. I'm a classic bottler and push it all in. I spent the better part of 10 years drinking and drugging myself into a stupor partly because I did not know how to emotionally express myself. My emotional IQ improved after sobriety but I was not prepared for a marriage with children.

I had a very hard time being 100% open with my wife. Some things that bothered me, I let go because that is what I thought men were supposed to do. It is what I saw my dad do, and I followed suit. The bottling of emotions led to resentment building in me and my wife.

There is a great little anecdote in the book. The author tells a story about how when she was 5 years old, she was upset at her parents and decided to run away. She packed a bag and left. She walked down the sidewalk of her street until she reached a major intersection. She was told by her parents that crossing this street was extremely dangerous and she was never to cross without an adult present. Instead, she decided to continue on the sidewalk and walked in a circle for hours. She passed her house frequently while "running away."

Moral of the story: "We all do this in one way or another. We walk around the blocks of our lives over and over, obeying rules that are written, implied, or simply imagined, getting hooked by ways of being and doing that dont serve us. I often say we act like wind up toys, repeatedly bumping into the same walls never realizing there may be an open door to the right or left"

That's my ass to a tee. Reminds me of the mouse anecdote by MWD in DR or DB. i frequently try the same ineffective strategy over and over but I push harder. I always think my problem is effort but it is really strategy.

I'll be rereading this again shortly, so I'll pull out any more good things I think would be applicable.