25yearsmlc 10 yrs later I File D (part 4)

[Zues126]

Hey Zues,

On another hand, I also wonder if the divorce rate was 5% would people be killing themselves because they are in a marriage they are miserable in? It could really go either way. We see how some WAS feel smothered, trapped, neglected, abused, very depressed and if they couldn't get out by divorce, they might get out otherwise. Again, I am probably only an advocate of divorce in 5% of situations, rather than 50%, but this is a reality.

I do think they should do more studies on the effects of divorce/heartbreak. It really can be devastating to many.

Hi Ginger. Of course that is possible. It's possible that the suicide rate would spike drastically if people were hopelessly trapped in miserable marriages. It's also possible that the net fulfillment in our lives would decrease if we were tethered to stagnant marriages without the freedom to pursue our soul mates.

Because we can never know for sure we have to follow our beliefs at best and educated guesses at worst.

My beliefs are that a marriage and family shouldn't be destroyed and a spouse shouldn't be abandoned because one doesn't feel like they are getting out of it what they expected, desired, or deserved. For me personally that sounds as ghastly as a parent abandoning a child because they don't feel like they are getting as much in return for their sacrifice as they signed up for and they think they could enjoy a single life more. I think the mainstream acceptance of these types of rationalizations has snowballed into the landscape of broken families that we see today. I also believe that true fulfillment in life comes from serving others- God, Spouse, Children, Community, Employer, and putting the focus on appreciation for what you have. I believe that placing personal happiness at the top of the chain and focusing on unmet desires to find fulfillment doesn't work and is the cause of most of our pain and sorrow. And I believe that the rationalizations about why a marriage should be ended are essentially the Devil's tools. Even assuming that the teachings of all religions are completely cast aside and that we consider this scientifically as nothing more than a giant social experiment- at what point would we decide that this isn't working for us very well?

Each of us gets to cast our vote on the culture we create as a society. My views are in the minority these days, and I'm no shining example of what I think everyone should be- but that's ok. I am not shouting down people that feel differently or close minded to the idea that there is something I'm missing. Yet I feel a sense of responsibility to share my beliefs at the appropriate time when the conversation arises the same way I cast my ballet every four years. And when I see the horrible aftermath caused by the wounds we inflict on each other it does make me feel aware of the mistakes I've made and the consequences they've had. We are all human and we must find peace in our imperfect humanity, but that doesn't change the fact that our actions have consequences and we shouldn't strive to do our best. No victim blaming here, people ultimately choose their own road. It's just important that we are vigilant about how we choose ours.

As always I appreciate you playing Devil's advocate ( )