Completely understandable. Mine slunk off like a coward after we met with a counselor and specifically agreed when we would tell them and how. Instead I had to do it. I was truthful (they knew about the affair, the OW1 and the hostility in the home).
You had the kids call him for the kids sake. Ignore that he got anything out of it.
I am still resentful that he left me holding everything and responsible for everything. I'm guessing that like me, that was your role in the marriage so probably nothing is all that different.
Nigths will be tough in the beginning, but hopefully you will be so tired you will sleep. It gets easier every day. I bought new bedding to not cycle on having to see that and filled his part of the closet and bathroom so I didn't see a void every day.
Scream when you are driving, cry in the shower. Try not to let the kids see you hurting because that is what will bring them pain. I wish I had been better about that. I did the best I could but sometimes it overcame me. They did tell the counselor that seeing me in pain was the hardest thing for them.
You are a much tougher cookie than I and you have endured so much and keep on fighting. You will get through this. Lean on your dad and your friends.
