I immediately (politely but FIRMLY) set a schedule with H re: our children's schedules. I used the traditional court schedule for full custody/visitation. Since H was the one choosing to leave, I told him that if he disagreed with the schedule, he could get the courts involved to change said schedule. And I refused to deviate from that schedule, no matter the spew that came my way. I wasn't ugly about it. H, however, *was*. I just let his spew roll off my back. To him, it may have come across as me being controlling. And, to an extent, I can still sympathize with how he felt. I still, however, stand by what I did. I was the only parent at the time who had my children's best interest at heart, and I was dang sure going to take that job seriously ... especially considering I had found out that H had taken the kids to see OW before I found out about her. Um, NO.
I only answered H's texts that asked a question about the children. I applied KISS (keep it short and simple). Basically: yes or no.
And I did something that some others disagree with (which is fine): I was honest with my children when they asked why dad was gone. I still stand by that decision. I never felt it was my job to protect my H or his image to my children. If he had cared about that, he would have protected it better himself. For the record: he's back, and my son - who, at 7, was the youngest at the time everything happened - is still madly in love with his father and admires him deeply. But as a family, we are not afraid to have conversations about what happened ... and about how even grown-ups can make mistakes ... and about how we can hold our loved ones accountable and still love them.
M: 40 H: 44 Married 14 years S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M 2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart Piecing: April 2014
