What should I be doing now (Time to Move on?)

[lt0402]

Hey coconut, so much of what you say above resonates with me. We got here about the same time with some similar issues. It's been an absolutely brutal journey to this point, but hell, we've both survived man. I can see how putting distance bt you and your W would mask, but not relieve the hurt. The wounds are just way too deep for that to fully be the solution.

I'm about a week away from w and I moving into separate places. The in house S thing has left scars on my soul, but it's also made me stronger than I thought I could ever be. I know from watching your journey that you've built immense strength as well and for that you should be extremely proud.

But with that said, we have to realize we are still vulnerable. There are parts of us that still freaking care, even if we've buried them deep down inside. So, it's ok to feel the hurt sometimes. It's ok to recognize and accept that htis crap that was thrust upon us (some of our own doing) [censored]. In fact, I think that's completely healthy. You have to experience it, process it, then let it go.

I suspect that's what will happen with the 2 page divorce paper. It will sit there for a bit and the pain will come and go when you see it. But I would guess that one day you'll look at it, realize you've let go of the past, and will sit down and hammer it out. You'll see W for the court date and again you'll feel the pain, but when it's all finished and you get back to your new home you'll feel like a prisoner that was just freed from jail. It'll just take time for you to take those final steps.

I also know how it feels to get no remorse for Ws actions. I've expressed remorse and apology for my faults but have gotten none in return. It's frustrating and maddening and not fair. But, that's the path our Ws have chosen. We can't control that choice and we shouldn't let that control us. Like you, im at a point where I say when we are S I am done. I've fought too long and too hard without any effort on my Ws part to fix this to allow that second chance. Call it closed minded or callous, but I just don't ever see myself offering her that hand again to stand out M back up. She's made her choices and is getting her freedom, I need mine. So I completely get your thoughts there.

Sorry for the rambling thoughts. I see you in a place I'll soon be and I know you'll find your way out of it. I know I'll be able to as well. The strength we've built this past year will make it easier. So hang in there brother. Times are tough, but they are less tough than a year ago. I've no doubt a year from now all of this will be but a memory reflected upon from a much happier place. Keep on your path my friend and stay strong!