Killing his wife (or himself) was totally at odds with his religious beliefs too.
Ironically he may have thought that death would be a reuniting of he and his wife -because- of his religious beliefs. He may have thought he was acting out of love, "fixing" the situation. Obviously he wasn't. He more than likely was having some severe internal struggles as you suspect, that clinging to the ledge comment really rings true for what I went through. And he no doubt was not thinking rationally and logically. I think when I was going through that "empty shell" period that no one knew the difference. Outwardly I -think- I was acting normal, but inside things were not at all normal. So don't beat yourself up, I am not surprised you didn't see any warning signs because there probably weren't any. I am very sorry you went through this, you and your friends in the group are yet another casualty of his actions that he probably never considered.
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years ago, here, a WAW took her own life and her h blamed himself for awhile.
Strangely enough I was thinking about them on my drive to work this morning. For me that is a tragic example of how traumatic things can be for a WAS. On these forums we read pages and pages of LBS's expressing the pain, trauma, fear, etc. that they are going through and shock that their WAS "could do this" to them. What is sadly missing from nearly all posts is concern for the WAS, for what THEY are going through, and how the LBS can help them with their struggle. BD doesn't mean there's a happy WAS and a distraught LBS, it usually means there are two very distressed parties trying to figure out what to do with their lives.
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In hindsight I don't think his WAW was in a MLC at all; she had undiagnosed mental illness. I recall her getting the diagnosis and within 2 months, ending her life.
Your memory is much better than mine but from what I remember that does sound right. Unfortunately the LBS didn't post much after that, I hope he came through it OK.
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We cannot affect our spouse and we cannot go back in time & we cannot "wait" for the future we hoped for, to happen.
