It's great to share and I appreciate it, to be honest the more I go through this the more it evolves and believe it or not the third-person perspective is beginning to happen with me. Also I realise that with detachment I am gaining more and more control I still see her almost every day but I don't get in the way I go do something whilst she spends time with the boys. I am getting better with the LC (limited contact) as apposed to NC and I never initiate ever. I think Sandi2 has me down to a "T" I'm a "nice guy" but also clinical slightly and with regards to us not being there when expected would be out of character but will give it a try and gauge the response.
"While I agree with your views on limerence, I find it doesn't help me with the emotional roller coaster. I even explained limerance and provided resources on it to my WW but she has resisted. She has looked up her own resources on affairs, relationship mending, etc, and sent me links - You see, she KNOWS what is is, she KNOWS it is wrong, she KNOWS that the EAP is flawed and a worse choice long term... she is just unwilling to let go of the feelings."
I'm truly sorry about your sitch but limerence as I understand it has to end. She might know that what she's doing is wrong BUT please understand she has no control over that, she's been taken over by those brain chemicals OR being "pulled back in"...When these subside in either party and they will you need to be her best option.
I truly believe that working on myself has much to offer and is a win-win.
What's working:
Being a great dad - helps in so many ways with relationships! Hits the emotional pathways of a woman much the same way a man holding a cute puppy would...
Exercising - regime first thing every morning, walking a lot. This has the added benefit of helping with depression.
GAL - she is noticing I'm getting out there and not being sad and mopping around "my" house.
LC - no texts, emails, calls at all, and when she's around I leave it to her to come to me.
No pursuing - "drop the rope" I'm trying but difficult with 2 small boys to share.
Journaling - helps me stay consistent whilst showing me what I did right and what I did wrong.
"Now, as my DB coach said, feelings change. It's a long haul. Looks like you are willing to wait it out. Only you can decide how long".
This comes back to my win-win!
I'm in no hurry to start another relationship I just don't think I can feel that way about someone else yet, so this allows me to stay focused on what I truly want and that is to make my M better than ever. I read somewhere "when you think there is no hope for your M and that you can't go on any more carry on for at least another year" I don't want to regret not doing my utmost to make it work for her, me and most importantly our children.
Stay strong, stay consistent and stay well.
Mark.
DR'ing started March 2017
Don't blow the last bridge up from fantasy island, act "as if".
