25yearsmlc 10 yrs later I File D (part 4)

[25yearsmlc]

Own

R was not a control freak. Not a narcissist or any such thing. He was the LBSer.

Nor was he a "woe is me type". For instance, He never mentioned the level of disability his son had until he learned that eventually it would kill his son. He was very sad about that. At the barbecue I was very moved, b/c the son (who is the twin brother of R"s d9) requires a lot of work to just keep alive. And R was incredibly attentive.

There's some cognizance in his son, but it had to have been terribly draining on R. Facing that without a partner would be daunting for anyone. Plus his d9 wanted daddy time, which is cute but demanding... and then mommy was busy GAL with her bf,
( for which I do not blame her).

I'm Not sure what all the money issues were but R had invited his sister to move in with him at his rental house ===

I'm sorry. I don't mean to defend him by explaining his life's issues.

Just saying that until that day, no, he was not a jerk. It's odd to see the other side of someone before they make an irrevocable choice.

It's like the group is only allowed to feel contempt for him but we don't.

We are incredibly disappointed & horrified. And we also feel grief for his family AND for him. We said a lot of prayers for his children tonight, first prayer and the last. (And for him and for his x w).

I feel shame that we don't just hate him, like we have to be quiet about secretly missing him. The newspapers barely mention him, and there's a gofundme for his w's funeral and for their kids, which I totally understand. I have no idea who will care for their disabled son and I think R would never ever have done this with any forethought. No way.

And R's death is tragic too. He was not a one dimensional man.

OMG, I guess his sister has to pay for his funeral...God, what a cluster---k.