Dealing with (stuck)? MLCer many years later

[elfie]

Thank you Cadet and Job.

I rode the roller coaster for quite a while until I realized that if I didn't get off fast I would end up hospitalized. Yes Job, I focused entirely on my children and tried to detach as much as I could. It wasn't easy to detach and it took a long time but I eventually managed to get to the point that I wasn't curious about his life and his whereabouts. I had a job, a few good friends, 2 fantastic children and I learned to face life's challenges by myself.

TODAY I can say that I am at the point that I make plans about the future which might involve even relocating to another country for work if need be and accept anything new that life might offer me - theoretically at least. I say that because as of lately I have started feeling very sad about H's situation. He has managed to self-destruct. His crisis has taken a toll on his health and finances. I can't help but feel sad for him. This was a man that worked very hard all his life, he loved us with all his heart for so many years and now he has become a shadow of himself. I am beginning to have a problem with dealing with this.

I had mentioned earlier that there was a major factor that led H to turn into an alien before bomb drop. Apart from his estranged mother's death of which he was informed 2 years after it happened and with whom he never had any closure, his father's alienation from him due to his 2nd wife's interference, our son's leaving for school very far away from home at an early age and some other personal issues, I believe that what actually led him to leave us was the extreme support he got from a religious group he had joined some years before his crisis escalated. This group led by a priest (who became H's much needed father figure) could be described as inclined towards a more rigid and fundamentalist view of Christianity but what had bothered me most from the beginning was their behaving more as a clique in which one was accepted as a member and their shameless acceptance of members' money - a lot of money.

At this point I must clarify that we live in a European country and this is not related to a U.S. situation. So, there you go. A nice lethal cocktail. My H had tried to find his answers in religion but had to bump into the wrong group. The priest encouraged him to leave his family because as he said: "They don't need you". "Your children will soon be adults and follow their life and you should leave your wife so that you don't end up hating her". Must mention here: I never became part of the circle and the priest didn't like that. Also, I had married my H in a civil ceremony in the U.S. both of us intending to have a church wedding when we came to this country but we never got around to it and I never felt it was something of such extreme importance. Well, the priest didn't like that either -I couldn't be manipulated obviously - and started cultivating ideas in my H's head that I didn't love him, that he was worth more, etc.

Unfortunately, I had never suspected of such an outcome. I had felt glad that my H had found spiritual "guidance" and comfort in the church. And I had not realized the connection with the money. I did after it was already late.

I know the OW or any OW was just a band aid during his foolish attempt to escape his pain but the major damage was done by the "cult" he was and alas he still is a member of.

Over the years I watched him become something close to a religious fanatic. My H betrayed his family for a priest and his inner circle. All in the name of God. How can you fight that?

I want to make it clear to all, especially the religious folks, that we are not dealing with a normal situation here. It's more like a closed club with initiated religious fanatics and there is a lot of money coming in for the "salvation of the soul". Who cares about ruined families and abandoned children. God will provide for them.