I would never have predicted that this man would do such a thing.
Before BD and my subsequent trip into depression and anxiety, stories like this shocked me. But afterwards, they don't surprise me at all. When I was deep in the grip of depression I was not myself. My mind went to really dark places, I couldn't function at work or at home, I felt completely dead and empty inside, like a walking hollow shell. I don't recall ever having thoughts of taking my W's life but certainly I remember that I not only thought of killing myself, but I came up with several plans for it and even convinced myself it was the best course of action for me, my W and my kids. Thank the Lord I had the presence of mind to seek out medical help. After I was on the road to recovery I could scarcely believe I had become that strange, bizarre, empty shell of a person that actually thought death sounded like a rational choice. I still can't believe it.
I think the medical field has a long, long way to go in figuring out what kind of chemical changes happen to us after life-changing events like a BD. It affects people very deeply, many of us truly do become mentally ill. It's beyond something that a little counseling will fix, we often need medication to get us back on track. But mental illness is a taboo subject, it's seen in a different light than physical illness. In my mind they are both the same, the person is sick and needs medical attention to get well again. I hope that some day people can discuss mental illness as a malady, without feeling shame or embarrassment that they are going through it or went through it. Until we get to that point we're going to continue hearing these horribly tragic stories about normal people that inexplicably "lose it".
