I saw the word "strategy" used several times in your thread and it makes me cringe every time I read it! Strategy implies you are doing things to try and get her back, and if you are then you are destined for failure. WAS's can read right through our actions, our "strategies" to get them back just look desperate and needy to them. They think we're trying to trick them into coming back (which usually is true early on) so we can resume our previous life. But if they wanted that previous life, this never would have happened. The old life is done and gone. Your goal is to work on yourself and give her time and space to work on herself. Maybe your paths will intersect again in the future, you can't predict when that will be but it will probably be a lot longer than you expect.
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I have been reading Sandi2's posts and see mentioned "dropping the rope", do I understand it is a form of NC more importantly a more aggressive form of NC?
Dropping the rope basically means you get to the point where you well and truly let your W go. It doesn't mean you give up on the M, but it does mean you've accepted that you can't control things, you can't trick her into coming back, this isn't going to be fixed in a few weeks or months, you can't stop her from leaving you or seeing OM, and that really all you can do is fix YOU. EVERY LAST ONE OF US spends an extended period of time convincing ourselves we've dropped the rope. We'll proudly tell everyone we've finally dropped it, all while holding a hand behind our back firmly gripping the end of the rope. You know that scene in Lord of the Rings where Bilbo has the ring and Gandalf asks him for it, and he says it's on the mantle? And then he discovers, ohhhh.... it's still in my pocket after all. Yeah it's like that When you finally do drop it you won't want to throw a party, you may not even realize you did it until much later.
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After having read DR and the LRT I feel I'm spinning my wheels and that my sitch is becoming stagnant and my WW is getting used to her life as it is.
Progress is not incremental or linear. There will be long periods of time that it seems nothing is changing. There will be times things seem much better. And there will be times things seem worse. Just be patient.
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I don't operate an open door policy but can't really allow my WW not to see her children when she and they want!
You can absolutely establish boundaries though. Just like you are not welcome in your old home because of OM, she should not be allowed to come and go as she pleases in your new place either. Of course both of you should see the kids as much as is reasonable, but you really need to establish when and how that happens.
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No pursuing on my part, no texts, phone calls or emails. Contact is always face-to-face and initiated by her.
Very good, stick to it!
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GAL as best I can with shared visitation of 2 boys but this is strenuously pursued by me.
My ex and I had 50-50 visitation. On the weeks I had my kids my GAL activities involved the kids- zoo, park, a movie, etc. On the weeks I didn't have them then I did stuff for me- hiking, working out, running, flying R/C planes, tinkering with my motorcycles. When you have your boys then GAL with them. When you don't have them then do more personal stuff. But do something. Keep yourself busy, it'll help keep your mind off things.
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How can I better "drop the rope"
You're probably not ready yet. I think I started saying I dropped it about 18 months post-BD. Then about 2 years post-BD I really did drop it. After you finally do let go of her, you'll look back and realize how much of that time you were really fooling yourself about letting go, LOL! And again I don't mean give up on the M when I say "let her go". You can live your life and let her live hers while still standing for your M.
When you finally do drop it you won't want to throw a party, you may not even realize you did it until much later. 