25yearsmlc 10 yrs later I File D (part 4)

[25yearsmlc]

Just wanted to share a horrible true story from Sunday. A man in my Divorce Care support group stabbed/murdered his wife and then took his own life, on Sunday.

The group is hosted by a nearby church. We meet weekly for 13 weeks, at nominal costs. (It's a VERY helpful resource).

This group of 14 happened to be about half men. I've been blessed to hear some really loving men talk about missing their kids, & wanting their marriages to work, etc.

"R" is one such man, and he had 2 kids, including a severely disabled son. R did not want the divorce, wanted to reconcile and he talked a lot about missing time with his kids.

On Sunday, R dropped his kids off at his xw's house, (not sure if/when the D was final)

R seemed to be in a good mood, waving to the neighbors who have known him for years. The witness neighbor said R "seemed happy." While his kids remained in the yard, his d9 chatting with the neighbor, R carried the equipment into the house.

Within a span of 9 minutes in total, R stabbed his ExW, ran out of the house, drove to his own place, and took his own life with his gun. EX w died on the outer ramp of her home.

I would never have predicted that this man would do such a thing.

(I believe there was no premeditation for several reasons, but that is beyond the scope of this post.)

I don't know what made R snap, and maybe I never will.

But I'm stunned. He was like a DB guy big time, he did not want the divorce. He tried to save his m.

He loved his kids, but Now they are orphans.

I know he's the bad guy in this. I know what he did was horrific and indefensible.

And I think he will only be known for the last hour of his life.

But he was not a monster before then. I liked him. He seemed to be among the least angry in the group.

The group meets tonight (needless to say) & some grief counselor will be there too.

How on earth can we try to spot this type of behavior before it happens OR is that possible? Maybe R did not harbor these thoughts before hand.

Obviously R needed more than we were giving in the group, or was it really only a 10 minute break, with 2 horrific acts of rage/grief/desperation? ?

He came to the group every week, and when he was out of town for work, he literally face timed into the meeting, so he could hear and see everyone.

IF you had told me that someone in the group would do this, R would have been the last (male) I'd have believed capable of this.

Not sure what I'm expecting from this post, but maybe insights or things to watch out for or whatever.

If I'm right and R did not plan this & if this was as sudden as it seems to have been, what trigger could exist that would lead to this terrible violence??

What do we look for??