Hey T0,
I'm so very sorry. You have given it 100% and more. Sometimes, the outcome really is just not something we can control, even with the very best DBing we can do, it's just not enough.
I believe you are a strong, independent, resourceful, wise, beautiful young mother of three precious boys, someone with an incredible drive and endless energy, a great career ahead of you, a wonderful loving Dad who supports and loves you...... and you are going to be better than OK.

I know it hurts. Blinding, searing, white-hot hurt. Just try to breathe your way through it, keep putting one foot in front of the other, until the pain eases up.

I'm struggling myself today, so have all kinds of little sayings and inspirational things running like a ticker tape through my head. Two that stand out, to help both you and me, are these-

"The barns burnt down, so now I can see the moon."

"Where you are right now, is like driving a car at night with just the headlights to show you the way. You can't see but just a few feet ahead of you, but even so, with just that much, you can make it all the way home."

M-60 H-51
M-14 years
BD 12/26/16
S 1/1/17

"First the pain, then the rising."
Glennon Doyle Melton