Sorry about your sitch, but you seem to have your head screwed on, and be emotionally solid and coping with it. Detaching is difficult. If you get a chance, read up on a poster called Vanilla, she has some good insight on detachment. It is not being cold or distant. It is observing. Fly on the wall. Observe closely, but almost as a 3rd party, and analyse what you observe.
When it comes to your kids, have you considered being unavailable for her to visit - taking the boys out for the day? I feel for you, I dread getting to this stage.
When I took my D5 to visit my parents, she missed mummy every night and we phoned/FaceTimed. When she went camping with WW on Saturday, she started crying when she realised Daddy wasn't going. It will be hard when we separate to different houses. I guess if mine was in a PA rather than an EA then, I would probably have done the same. I'm also in the UK so understand why the H is generally the one who has to leave.
While I agree with your views on limerence, I find it doesn't help me with the emotional roller coaster. I even explained limerance and provided resources on it to my WW but she has resisted. She has looked up her own resources on affairs, relationship mending, etc, and sent me links - You see, she KNOWS what is is, she KNOWS it is wrong, she KNOWS that the EAP is flawed and a worse choice long term... she is just unwilling to let go of the feelings.
Just as your WW knows. Ultimately it is a selfish act. They are putting their feelings above all else. Now, as my DB coach said, feelings change. It's a long haul. Looks like you are willing to wait it out. Only you can decide how long.
Best of luck, mate.
-- Me: 47 WW: 35 SS: 17 D: 5 T: 7 yrs Engaged: 2 yrs OEA confirmed: August 17 2016 ongoing since April 2016. OEA continues (with occasional breaks) BD2 - W says will visit OM in Jan 18
