If you were first dating a new suitor and he was treating you the way your ex is now, would you consider him a serious contender? Would you chase and pursue him? Would you hang around and wait for him to change?
From reading your posts, my guess is no. You have a sense of self worth and independence. This is who your husband is right now... a guy that's not treating you very well.
The good news is that you have the choice to keep waiting, and trying to point out to him and rationalize to him that he's not treating you well or to say, "hey, I have no room in my life for someone that is not treatinng me well and through my actions and mindset, not appeals to him I will demonstrate this"
I think in the name of marriage, and commitment we bend over backwards to appease these people who have already divorced us in their minds. Their actions indicate they are divorced. If he truly valued you, he would not be treating you this way. (This does not mean that you do not deserve to be valued, just that he for whatever reasons does not right now)
He already cheated on you right? He is not seeking forgiveness and ways to make it right. He is not pursuing you. He is being polite and amicable for whatever motivations.
We can psychoanalyze him all we want and explore the whys . (I do this all the time) But the truth is, he is not a partner to you anymore and it's time to detach, mourn, and move forward.
It takes 2 people to work on a marriage. He's no longer vested, or you would know it. So if you can accept that, it will be much easier. Many of us on these boards cannot accept that and we linger in limboland. It's not a nice place to be.
And if he does come around, you need to be in a place where you can truly evaluate why you would want to be with someone even capable of betrayal or abandonment. In a few years, this might not be something you can forgive. But right now its early and a bit of a shock and you are not on equal playing terms. Someone told me this when I first signed on here as Julie "he is not a unicorn"
