Hi Teppo! First of all, Accuray is offering up a lot of pure gold, I love it! (PS- hello Acc, how have you been?! )
Originally Posted By: Teppo
However, it's inconceivable to me that she feels guilty at all.
That's because what she's showing you on the OUTSIDE is someone resolute, sure, confident that it's over. But what's INSIDE is a raging storm of confusion and indecision. She feels TREMENDOUS guilt, but she will never let you know that.
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When we met with a counselor and more recently with our Deacon, she exuded confidence and a bitchy air about her. Do think it's an act to cover up her true mixed feelings?
She's trying really hard to convince herself that she's doing the right thing. I remember someone saying that about my W and I was like "ha! You haven't seen my W, I've never seen her so confident about anything." Months later W herself told me she had never been so confused in her life and whenever no one was around she was crying her eyes out. This is our biggest shortcoming as the LBS, we're so caught up in our own grief that we play the victim and see our WAS as the aggressor when in fact they are as much a victim as us if not more so (because their suffering has been going on a lot longer than ours).
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Her texts to her EA partner never mention our son and the impact that a divorce will have on him.
She wants her EA to by all romantic and fields of daisies, she's unlikely to bring up stuff like that.
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I'm rambling now, but she even got a flat tire on the interstate today and didn't call or let me know what happen until I asked her how her day was.
Normal. She doesn't want your help right now. I snooped early on and saw a message my W sent to her friend that said her worst nightmare was getting sick and imagining me having to take care of her. Wow did that hurt. Me taking care of her was her WORST NIGHTMARE. That's how your W feels right now. She's rather ask a stranger to change her tire than call you.
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Is it prudent to keep looking at her texts to keep track of the times they physically meet for legal reasons? I want to prove the EA to my lawyer and see if it can be used to help me gain primary custody.
Normally we say don't snoop, but you should discuss that with your L. If you're in a no fault state like TX then it's probably a waste of time, but your L would know better than us.
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Finally, I read on another thread that I should go back to the MBR. Is that accurate for an EA?
You never should have left. Once you're out it can cause a lot of stress trying to force yourself back in though. Do you have a DB coach? That would be a good question for them.
I'll also add that it sounds like you, like most of us did, are getting very caught up in your W's words. Her words represent how she feels RIGHT NOW. That can change in a year, a month, a week or even 5 minutes. Do you know Sandi's rules by heart yet? "Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because he/she is hurting and scared."
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