Thank you for the nice things you said on my post. I have read you're posts and you seem to be a very sweet woman and I am sorry you are here.
When I read through your posts, I didn't see the similarities between your husband and mine. You're husband seems to temperature check. His responses were different. His interactions are different.
I wish i had hired a private eye in the beginning off my situation. It would have saved me in legal fees to know what was going on. It took me 2 years to find out.
These were my signs that I don't believe are the case with your husband. But you should look for.
We never had money and it didn't make sense. When I asked him about it he deflected, argued evaded. We are both educated professionals but moved in with my parents because I believed we needed to save for a home.
1. He depleted tons of money from his IRA for the last couple of years. If you were filing jointly this would be easy to see.
2. Credit card debt that made no sense. (Hard to find out if your name is not on it. Mine was not) frequent purchases from liquor store was also revealed.
3. Unexplained cash withdrawals. My ex was taking out a minimum of 100$. Per day. But would go to sketchy neighborhoods and withdraw 800 to 1000 1 or 2 times a week. He was leaving work to do this. And basically lying about where he was going to me. (I went through years worth of his bank statements to learn this)
Before he left...
1. Always running on errands that made no sense and came first no matter what.
2. Could not wake up in mornings. Alarms would be blaring for hours. He missed picking up our son from preschool 3x because he slept through alarms and I was at work.
3. Constantly in the bathroom.
4. IBS issues. A fibs in his mid 30s.
5. No empathy for me. I was pregnant and had a surgery to remove cancer. He woke me up early to watch our son at 7 30 am because it was my turn and he needed to sleep.
6. Supposed workaholic but never had a raise. I thought he was consumed with work and never wanted to bother him. (He now lives with his mom and she is under same impression) he acted like work was high pressure and stress and he needed to stay up to finish projects or go back to work cause he forgot sonething.
7. No interest or passion in anything.
8. In hind site, he had developed a friendship with this guy (was really nice) that had no job, same issues with sleeping late and classic druggie type of guy.
When confronted
He didn't deny. He denied an affair. He admitted to an alcohol problem with depression. He agreed to supervised overnights with son. He refused a drug test.
