A WW? (8)

[lt0402]

The hardest thing to grasp is the dropping the rope and how it may draw the WS back better than any other action. Get outside your head and look at what you did when your W dropped the rope on you. You spent a year working to get it back in her hands. This also works the other way. When you drop the rope, and I mean drop it completely, you may see some of the same on her part. I don't mean to give you any unnecessary hope but don't be surprised either.

Thanks MV. At this point I think I'm done when my W steps out the door and starts living in her apartment full time. I find myself questioning why I'd want to be with someone, who with the most minimal amount of effort, could have helped me salvage this thing. Add to that the fact that she seems to be quickly working to get herself into peak physical shape (the same thing she did before she went to see OM last 4th of july) and I find myself horribly turned off to the idea of R now. It could be anger on my part, or it could just be a more realistic view than I've had the past year. I don't know, but I'm quite content with building an awesome life for D and I in our new home in the next couple weeks.

I know all of this is very difficult but I very much agree with what moving forward just posted. In fact I was going to tell you that this is not at all yet over and may be just starting. I say that because it's about to get very real for your W. How you handle things moving forward will mean a lot.

Have you done anything with getting a separation agreement in place? I hope you are not going to pay for Ws new apartment. You really need her to expierence being on her own. Do not try to race to help her. Don't invite her to things, don't do all the things she has been saying she doesn't want done. Don't be mean or nasty either. Whatever is fair as dictated by the courts is all you need to do. W needs to see what life is like after she fires her H.

Keep posting here and keep doing everything you have with D. After reality sinks in, W might start to see you are not the monster she created you to be.

Don, yeah, I will continue to post as things change. I've continued to be nice to my W since she told me we were splitting. Not tripping over myself to help her, but doing things that a H would do. I've told myself that i'll do that up until we physically split, then it really all becomes about my D10 at that point. W has been nothing but cold and off put by whatever I do. But it doesn't make me happy to be mean to her, it makes me happy to be a decent person. So that's how I'm handling myself right now. I believe the S agreement I've given her to be fair. We will see what her feedback is, hopefully shortly. I view us needing this in place as I view the physical split as necessitating a financial split as well. She will completely have the freedom she's been desiring this past year. She won't have me around to "stress" her out. I hope she finds peace and happiness, but I'm not sure that's possible until she addresses her own anxiety and anger issues. Regardless, i'll be out of the picture, which hopefully will help her.

I don't have ill will towards her. This is a woman I loved for 12 years and to be honest, I still do. If her happiness is elsewhere, I hope she finds it and lives a content and awesome life. Do I have some anger towards her right now about breaking up our family? of course I do. but I know that will pass as my D and I progress in our new lives. I look forward to starting off on this new journey with my D and I know that it will be an awesome one!

Woke, you are right my friend. She is fooling herself and scapegoating me for her faults. I'm an easy target, as I had some large ones myself that helped get us here. But you are 100% spot on, "Hold onto the good, let go of the bad, find your peace". Love it!

Quick update. Things have been slowly disappearing from our house the past week or so. Weird seeing our life taken apart brick by brick but I'm ok w/ it now. W got angry bc I started moving my stuff down to the dining room (which is completely empty) to stage it for moving it to my apartment this upcoming weekend. I just looked at her and said "I don't have time during the week to do this, so I'm trying to save time for next weekend." She continues to have trouble controlling her anxiety issues, even as this thing winds down.

She had D over to her apartment Friday and sunday to check it out. I get my apartment this Saturday. Ordered some furniture to put in there and that comes Sat morning. Cable turned on on sunday. still don't have a date for when W will move out, but my place will be ready when she does choose to go. S agreement is in her hands and I await her feedback on it. Would like to have it finalized by the time we close on the house at the end of june. She'll have her freedom to do as she pleases. I will only be in her life w/ regards to my D. Eager to push forward now and put the past year behind me. Thanks to all of you for the support as always!