WH came back. Piecing. Past the 2 year mark ...

[Stormchaser]

I'll add to this:

One night my W and I went out to a local bar. Things were ok until I eyed a very attractive woman for about 3 seconds. My W saw it and was pretty hurt. Now, this was about 6 months after BD. Turns out we were BOTH hypersensitive about anything even remotely having to do with infidelity. My W was funny about ME on the phone, worrying if *I* was up to shenanigans. There was a lot of waxing and waning for the first year. Like, one time I snapped at her for joking around about dating one of her clients who was clearly ugly and a disaster in the fashion department. She said, "if I was his date, I'd spruce him up". This INFURIATED me!!!! But pre BD, that comment wouldn't bat an eyelash. I'd laugh and move on, accepting that yes, this guy IS a terrible dresser and looks like he's chronically hung over.

So that's where we went with that. God, how I remember a time where my W and I would walk along the beach and she'd never have a problem with me looking at someone in a bikini, because in her words, "you always come home to me". Now? Totally different story. I miss those days.

I kinda feel the same as you now, Blu. I have it all. She's into me, texts me a lot now....more often than not she initiates sex. But see - the other day we went to the gym and I saw this guy who looked exactly like OM - bigger than me, bald, muscular - I think of him being over my wife, owing her, and my mind went south fast. I couldn't get out of the funk, couldn't leave the gym, and it enveloped me. I'm tall and lean and not very muscular and this just ruined me. What did he have that I didn't? The questions hit fast and furious and I had that thought: Is this was the rest of recovery will be like? Because I'm in a MUCH different place than I was last year and I'm a different person. I don't want daily reminders of what happened.

Could my W be that trigger? I've overcome so many fears in this last year, that the fear of losing my W still looms. What if I need to lose her to truly move on?

Or, as I said, am I really overthinking all of this again? I will admit, Saturday night truly sucked. Yet, Sunday morning and most of the day seemed really good. Yeah, I thought about her affair, but it didn't have that punch-in-the-gut feeling it usually does.

Maybe I need another year.

I know I'll never trust anyone else 100% ever again. So - do I leave her and find someone new, only to never trust them, or stay with someone I've known for 30 years and never trust them again?