It can be challenging after an affair. When we fall in love with our spouses, one of the reasons, at least for me, is the kind of person that our spouse is. Mine was kind, generous, smart, LOYAL, HONEST, caring, funny, etc.
After the affair I can't say that she's a loyal and honest person because quite frankly, she wasn't. During that time she showed me she was capable of horrific acts of cruelty to me. She crushed my heart.
Of course she responded to my DB'ing and came out of "the fog." She is all better now and wants to have that close bond we had before. She realizes what a gem that is to have in the world we live in today.
Well, here's the problem. I can't fully give her that again. She hurt me too bad. I can go to therapy from today until doom's day and I'll never trust her like that again. Why not? Because I know what she was capable of doing. It would be like me hiring a paroled child molester to babysit my kids. Sure he got counseling and is all better now but would you trust him around small kids? Nope.
I've been reconciling a few years and we are still married but honestly I'm just not feeling it like I used to. I've announced that I want a divorce and am probably going to move on. One thing that the DB program taught me is that I don't need a spouse. I can be just fine on my own. When they told be to detach, GAL, and move on, I did. I didn't fake it. I really did it. I detached from a person who hurt me worse than I've ever been hurt in my life and you can't just re-attach after something like that.
